in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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