Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
