I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
