this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
