you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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