last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
