I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I died a long time ago.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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