maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
