Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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