I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
