1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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