Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
