Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
