Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
