mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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