I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
