So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
