i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
