Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
no, he came in my armpit
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
