During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
