my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
