Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think my tv is drunk
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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