this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
