Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
