He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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