Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You're like the curious george of whores
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
