wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
