I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
