I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
