Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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