Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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