did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
