Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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