Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
