Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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