she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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