I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
