Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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