I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
