Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
