I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
