Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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