Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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