I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
