I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
