Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
