Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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