I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
