Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
