forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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