I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
