He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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