i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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