turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
