woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
