I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
