Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
