I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
