Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
