i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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