I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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